Warhammer 40K Singled Out: Ahmontekh Edition

Warhammer 40K Singled Out: Ahmontekh Edition

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Intro:

[MTV's Singled Out theme blasts through the warp as the camera zooms across a blasted desert planet. In the foreground, Ahmontekh the Infinite, Phaeron of the Necron Dynasty of Nihilakh, stands imposingly. His living metal form gleams in the harsh light of distant stars as his cape billows dramatically.]

Narrator:
"Welcome to Singled Out: Warhammer 40K Edition! Today’s contestant is none other than the undying, the eternal, the always amusing Ahmontekh the Infinite, a Necron Lord with a penchant for theatrics and reclaiming lost artifacts. But let’s face it, he’s lonely!"

[Cut to Ahmontekh in a gaudy golden throne, surrounded by glowing Necron glyphs. He gestures grandly.]

Ahmontekh:
"It is true! Though I have conquered worlds and ruled for eons, even a Phaeron such as I craves companionship… someone who appreciates my collection of relics and my eternal wit!"

[He pauses dramatically.]

Ahmontekh:
"No mortal can resist the allure of the Infinite."

[The crowd cheers as the camera cuts to a row of 50 eager contestants. Some are various humans, Eldar, and Orks, but others include unlikely choices: a few Chaos Space Marines, a dazed-looking Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, and even a Death Guard Plague Marine. They’re all competing for the love (or at least attention) of this bombastic Necron Lord.]

Narrator:
"Ahmontekh has a lot to choose from. But with the help of his trusty co-hosts, Trazyn the Infinite and Orikan the Diviner, we’ll narrow down the competition… until one lucky suitor captures his immortal heart!"

[The screen zooms in on Trazyn and Orikan, who are squabbling behind Ahmontekh’s back. Trazyn looks smug, while Orikan rolls his glowing eyes.]

Trazyn:
"Ah, the joy of watching lesser beings fight for your favor. A tale as old as time… or at least, as old as the Necron dynasties."

Orikan:
"Yes, yes, now let’s get this over with. My prophecy says this show is going to be an utter waste of my immortal time."

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Round 1: The Mass Cull

[Ahmontekh waves a scepter, activating a vast screen with bizarrely arbitrary categories like “Favorite Warlord Trait,” “How Many Times Have You Been Resurrected,” and “Are You Adept with Technology?” The contestants look nervous, except for a Khorne Berzerker who seems almost too eager.]

Narrator:
"First, we narrow the field by Ahmontekh’s very specific preferences. Half the contestants will be teleported out of existence based on their answers!"

Ahmontekh:
"*I require someone who understands the fine art of resurrection. If you haven’t come back from the dead at least once, BEGONE!"

[A dozen contestants, mostly humans, are vaporized instantly. Screams of shock echo as they disappear.]

Trazyn:
"And with that, the herd is thinned. Nothing personal!"

Ahmontekh:
"Next!"

Narrator:
"He also wants someone who appreciates the finer things in life, like his vast collection of ancient Necron technology. Anyone who isn’t tech-savvy… well, let’s just say they’re not making it through the portal."

[A Death Guard Plague Marine scoffs, answering: “Who needs technology when you have decay?” He’s promptly disintegrated along with half the Chaos Space Marines. Only 10 contestants remain.]

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Round 2: Compatibility Test

[The remaining contestants face a rapid-fire Q&A session, designed to determine who might truly be a good match for the Infinite Phaeron. Trazyn steps forward to read the questions, while Orikan rolls his eyes in the background.]

Trazyn:
"What is the most important quality you bring to a relationship with a powerful, immortal Necron lord like Ahmontekh?"

[One contestant, a Farseer from Craftworld Biel-Tan, nervously steps forward.]

Farseer:
"I foresee that together, we could wield the power of the stars themselves. With my prescience and your mastery of time, we could rule… forever."

[Ahmontekh looks intrigued.]

Ahmontekh:
"Interesting... I do appreciate someone who sees the long game."

[Meanwhile, a particularly rowdy Goff Ork answers in his usual direct manner.]

Goff Ork:
"Oi! I’z the biggest and da toughest, and you’z needs me to smash stuff! Who cares ‘bout all that shiny metal when you’ve got fists like dese?"

[Trazyn laughs at this, but Ahmontekh looks unimpressed.]

Ahmontekh:
"Such brutish simplicity. NEXT!"

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Round 3: Special Talent Showcase

[The finalists must now impress Ahmontekh with their unique talents. The Farseer uses psychic powers to craft a dazzling display of Eldar craft, bending the light around them into ethereal patterns.]

Ahmontekh:
"Impressive. It reminds me of when I wielded the star-flares of Sautekh."

[The Ork contestant, unfazed by his earlier dismissal, grabs an oversized choppa and crushes a Necron Scarab with it.]

Goff Ork:
"LOOK! I smashed da bug! I’z da best."

Ahmontekh:
"And yet, I have no need for more destruction, or bugs to be smashed."

[A mysterious Dark Eldar contestant steps forward, producing a strange, shimmering relic.]

Dark Eldar:
"I acquired this artifact in the Dark City, capable of erasing any memory... perhaps it could even erase your... unfortunate failures."

[Ahmontekh pauses, intrigued.]

Ahmontekh:
"You have my attention. Memories of my defeats are… vexing."

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Final Decision

[It’s down to the final three contestants: the Farseer, the Dark Eldar, and a surprisingly confident Sister of Battle, Seraphina, who has endured every challenge thrown at her with grim resolve.]

Narrator:
"The time has come. Who will win the eternal heart of Ahmontekh the Infinite?"

[The three finalists stand before Ahmontekh’s massive throne, waiting with bated breath.]

Ahmontekh:
"Each of you has proven yourselves… acceptable. But only one can join me in my quest for eternal domination and witty banter. The rest… well, the Warp is always open."

[He turns to the Farseer.]

Ahmontekh:
"Your psychic visions are useful, but I cannot be outshone by anyone, not even the stars."

[The Farseer is teleported away.]

[Next, Ahmontekh faces the Dark Eldar.]

Ahmontekh:
"Your relics are fascinating, but I am the greatest collector in the galaxy. I cannot be outdone."

[The Dark Eldar smirks but is swiftly removed by a portal.]

Ahmontekh:
"Which leaves… Seraphina."

[Seraphina stands her ground, fire burning in her eyes.]

Seraphina:
"If I must endure your theatrics for the Emperor’s sake, so be it. I shall be your companion in this eternal struggle."

Ahmontekh:
"I do admire your defiance, mortal. Perhaps you can endure eternity by my side."

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Outro:

Narrator:
"It looks like Ahmontekh has found his match! A bold, fearless Sister of Battle, who isn’t afraid of his flamboyant style and grand ambitions. Together, they’ll conquer the stars—or at least argue about who’s the greatest—forever!"

[The credits roll as Ahmontekh dramatically sweeps Seraphina off her feet (though she doesn’t look happy about it), and they vanish into a shimmering Necron portal.]

Narrator:
"Join us next time for another round of Singled Out: Warhammer 40K Edition! Because love… is eternal."

[Fade to black.]