The One with the Primarchs

Title: The One with the Primarchs

Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch sipping coffee. Chandler, Joey, and Ross are seated at a table nearby. Suddenly, the door swings open, and in walk Rogal Dorn, Angron, and Vulkan — three towering, imposing figures who immediately capture the attention of the entire café.

Rachel: (eyeing them) Whoa. Is it just me, or did it just get... like, way more interesting in here?

Monica: (gazing at Rogal Dorn) No, it’s not just you. Who are they?

Phoebe: (intrigued) I don’t know, but that one guy looks like he could bench-press all of Manhattan. (gesturing to Angron)

Ross: (slightly annoyed) Seriously? You’re all gawking at them like they’re some kind of gods.

Chandler: (sarcastically) Yeah, because we’re such an intimidating group.

The three Primarchs make their way over to the counter, their sheer presence filling the room. Monica suddenly stands up, smoothing her hair nervously.

Monica: I’m gonna go ask what they’re doing in town. You know, just to be polite.

Rachel: (grinning) Yeah, sure, just polite.

Monica walks up to the counter, where Rogal Dorn, Angron, and Vulkan are ordering drinks.

Monica: (awkwardly) Hi! So, uh, are you guys new around here?

Rogal Dorn: (stoic but polite) We have recently arrived in this city. I am Rogal Dorn, and these are my brothers, Angron and Vulkan.

Monica: (blushing) Monica. (glances nervously at Angron, who’s staring intently at the coffee machine as if trying to will it to work faster) You guys... you’re not from around here, are you?

Vulkan: (smiling warmly) No, we come from… far away. But we’re looking to settle in for a while.

Monica: (brightening) Oh, well, welcome! If you need anything, just let me know. I’m kind of the go-to for... you know, keeping things organized and... (nervous laugh) clean.

Angron: (growling slightly) You enjoy organizing?

Monica: (nodding enthusiastically) Oh, yeah. Love it. It’s my thing.

Angron: (cracking a rare smile) Hmph. Interesting. I like someone who can handle chaos. Maybe you’re not as fragile as you look.

Monica: (blushing even more) I—uh—thanks?

Meanwhile, Rachel has sauntered over to Vulkan, sizing him up.

Rachel: (flirtatiously) So, Vulkan, was it? You seem... different from your brothers. Like, more chill.

Vulkan: (grinning) You could say that. I prefer a more peaceful approach. Less conflict, more... warmth.

Rachel: (teasing) Yeah? Well, I could use a little warmth in my life.

Vulkan: (chuckling) I’ll do my best to provide it.

Phoebe, meanwhile, is completely fascinated by Angron, who is still glowering at the coffee machine.

Phoebe: (cheerfully) You know, you seem like you have a lot of, um, feelings. Have you ever considered channeling them into music? I mean, that anger would make for killer lyrics.

Angron: (looking down at her) Music is not my... first outlet. But I have been known to create... destruction in other ways.

Phoebe: (excited) That’s so cool! We should totally jam sometime. I play guitar. We could write songs about, I don’t know, destroying oppressive forces or taking down the man. You know, fun stuff.

Angron: (softening slightly) You... fight back against oppression?

Phoebe: (nodding enthusiastically) Oh, totally. I once chased a corporate guy out of my apartment for trying to evict me.

Angron: (smiling darkly) I like your spirit.

Back at the table, Chandler and Joey are watching with disbelief as the Primarchs effortlessly charm Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe.

Joey: (confused) So, we’re just... okay with this? They’re all swooning over these... giant dudes?

Chandler: (sighing) It’s like a bad dream where you’re not even the funniest guy in the room anymore.

Ross: (frustrated) What do these guys have that we don’t?

Chandler: (mockingly) Oh, I don’t know. Maybe their three feet of extra height, or the fact that they look like they could survive a nuclear blast?

Joey: (thoughtful) Or maybe it’s the way they just... you know... own a room. I should start doing that.

Chandler: Yes, Joey, you should definitely start owning a room. Maybe buy a room and then charge rent?

Monica walks back to the group, clearly smitten.

Monica: So... the guys are thinking of getting an apartment in the building across from mine!

Ross: (dryly) Fantastic. Just what we needed. More... competition.

Rachel: (dreamily) Vulkan is so sweet. He said he’d teach me how to make something called a “forge,” whatever that is.

Phoebe: (enthusiastic) And Angron and I are going to write songs about fighting the patriarchy. I’m thinking of calling the first one "Rage Against the Latte Machine."

Monica: (smiling) And Rogal Dorn is really... I don’t know, he’s just so... steady. Like he’s got it all together. It’s refreshing.

Chandler: (sarcastic) Great. Just great. You’re all swooning over guys who look like they stepped out of a Viking bodybuilding competition.

Joey: (grinning) I should ask them for workout tips. Maybe if I bulk up, I’ll be more of a... I dunno, Primarch?

Chandler: Yeah, because that’s the problem. Your lack of height and muscles. Definitely.

The scene cuts to later that night. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are talking excitedly about plans to meet up with the Primarchs again.

Monica: (dreamy) I think I’m gonna help Rogal Dorn settle into his new place. You know, show him the best restaurants, where to get the best takeout...

Rachel: (excited) And Vulkan and I are going shopping tomorrow. He said he’s never had to pick out furniture before.

Phoebe: (grinning) Angron and I are planning a protest. It’s going to be so cathartic.

The guys, still feeling left out, exchange glances.

Chandler: (muttering) So, this is our life now? Watching our friends fall for these giant space gladiators?

Ross: (defeated) Pretty much.

Joey: (optimistic) Maybe they’ll have friends who are into dinosaurs and sarcasm.

Chandler: Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly what they’ll bring to the table.

The camera zooms out as the Primarchs exit the café with Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe, leaving the guys sitting there, sipping their coffee in resigned silence.

End scene.