Clean House: Fulgrim Edition

-

Title: Clean House: Fulgrim Edition

INT. THE PALACE OF EXCESS - DAY

The Clean House team pulls up in their van to what can only be described as the most opulent, decadent mansion they’ve ever seen: Fulgrim’s palace. It’s a swirling architectural masterpiece, covered in gold, intricate carvings, and grand statues of Fulgrim himself in various regal poses. The air practically hums with over-the-top elegance.

NIÈCY NASH steps out first, her eyes widening in disbelief as she takes in the excess.

NIÈCY NASH (smirking) Oh, honey! This ain’t a house. This is a museum of “look at me.” I can already feel the extra-ness in the air!

Behind her, MATT ISEMAN, TRISH SUHR, and MARK BRUNETZ are already marveling at the extravagance.

MATT ISEMAN (stunned) I’ve seen luxury, but this... this is another level. How does anyone even live here?

TRISH SUHR (laughing) Honey, I bet they don’t! This place looks like it’s for show, not living.

Before they can knock, the enormous doors swing open, revealing FULGRIM, the Primarch of the Emperor’s Children. His beauty is striking, his movements elegant, his attire an elaborate mixture of fine silks and glistening armor. Behind him, faint orchestral music drifts in the air, adding an almost theatrical air to his entrance.

FULGRIM (smirking) Ah, the mortals have arrived to improve upon perfection. How amusing.

NIÈCY NASH (grinning) Fulgrim, baby! We’re here to help you out, because even perfection needs a little decluttering. Let’s get inside and see what’s really going on.

INT. THE PALACE OF EXCESS - MAIN HALL

The team enters the grand foyer of Fulgrim’s palace. The interior is just as opulent as the exterior: marble floors, towering golden statues of Fulgrim, and lavish tapestries draped everywhere. The room is filled with exquisite objects and rare relics—but the overwhelming clutter of fine art, lavish décor, and more Fulgrim portraits makes it impossible to focus on any one thing.

MARK BRUNETZ (looking around, overwhelmed) It’s like Versailles met a cosmic carnival! There’s so much beauty here, but... it’s drowning in its own excess.

NIÈCY NASH (eyeing an enormous gold statue of Fulgrim holding a lyre) Fulgrim, honey, you got to tell me—what is going on with all this? It’s like you’re decorating for yourself, with yourself!

Fulgrim saunters gracefully across the floor, running a hand along one of the statues with a smirk.

FULGRIM (coyly) Why should I not surround myself with that which is most beautiful—myself? Beauty is both my blessing and my curse.

TRISH SUHR (snickering) Honey, if you’re this extra in your living room, I’m afraid of what your closet looks like.

NIÈCY NASH (playfully) Alright, well we’re gonna help you, darling. We’re not saying your beauty can’t shine, but we need to make some room to let it really breathe. Right now, it’s a little too much... even for you.

INT. FULGRIM’S PERSONAL QUARTERS - DAY

The team is led into Fulgrim’s bedroom, which, unsurprisingly, is just as over-the-top as the rest of the palace. The bed is a massive canopy affair, draped in purple silk and gold trim. The walls are covered in mirrors, and there’s a grand piano in the corner with sheet music scattered across the floor.

But the real problem is the sheer amount of fashion items—racks upon racks of extravagant clothing, boots, jewelry, and accessories. It’s almost impossible to walk around without tripping over something fabulous.

MATT ISEMAN (shaking his head) Well, I guess we found out where all the space in this place went... the closet.

TRISH SUHR (holding up a jeweled cape) I have never seen so much silk and rhinestone in one place. Fulgrim, do you wear all of this?

FULGRIM (smirking) Naturally. Each ensemble is a reflection of my magnificence, a different aspect of perfection that cannot be limited by mundane ideas of “necessity.”

NIÈCY NASH (laughing) Well, baby, perfection might need a little pruning! You can’t appreciate any of it if it’s all crammed in here like a fashion explosion. Let’s go through and pick out your best looks, and we’ll give the rest a good home.

MONTAGE: SORTING AND DECLUTTERING

The upbeat cleaning music kicks in as the Clean House crew gets to work on Fulgrim’s palace.

  • Trish works her magic, sorting through racks of elaborate clothing. Fulgrim debates every item dramatically, holding up jeweled gloves and capes with flair before finally letting them go.

  • Matt tackles the towering golden statues and bulky pieces of furniture that are cluttering the space. He grunts as he moves a statue of Fulgrim riding a golden lion out of the bedroom.

  • Mark tries to convince Fulgrim that less is more when it comes to décor, pointing out that the room could be even more beautiful if it weren’t so crammed with self-portraits.

MARK BRUNETZ (holding up a portrait of Fulgrim draped in gold robes) One of these, maybe... five? We don’t need a whole wall of Fulgrim.

FULGRIM (sighing dramatically) If you must reduce the number, I shall allow it—reluctantly.

NIÈCY NASH (patting Fulgrim on the shoulder) You’re doing great, honey. Sometimes even beauty needs a little space to breathe. And you’ve got more than enough of it to go around.

EXT. THE PALACE OF EXCESS - YARD SALE

The yard sale setup is completely different from usual. Instead of a typical sale, Fulgrim has insisted on making the event an extravagant “auction of the divine.” Space Marines, nobles, and various exotic clientele from across the galaxy show up, bidding on lavish capes, golden artifacts, and over-the-top furniture.

TRISH SUHR (excited) Alright y’all, this is no ordinary yard sale. We’ve got gold-plated everything—this is more like an auction at a royal palace! Who’s ready to take a piece of Fulgrim home?

INT. FULGRIM’S PERSONAL QUARTERS - FINAL REVEAL

The Clean House crew leads Fulgrim back into his personal chambers for the final reveal. The transformation is dramatic: the room is still opulent, but now it feels purposeful rather than chaotic. The walls are no longer overrun with portraits and mirrors, and the space has a cleaner, more refined elegance. The clothing racks have been reduced to a few choice selections, and the grand piano is now showcased beautifully in the corner.

MARK BRUNETZ (proudly) We kept all the glamour and style, but now you can actually enjoy it without being overwhelmed. It’s still you, Fulgrim—just a little more focused.

Fulgrim gazes around, a small smile playing on his lips.

FULGRIM (softly) Yes... I see it now. Perfection enhanced by order. How unexpected.

NIÈCY NASH (laughing) Baby, you were always fabulous, but now you’re living in it! Look at this place—it’s like a palace, but now it’s a palace you can actually live in.

FULGRIM (smiling) I must admit, you mortals have done well. I am... pleased.

EXT. THE PALACE OF EXCESS - DAY

As the team prepares to leave, Fulgrim watches them go with a regal wave, the faintest hint of a smile on his perfect face.

NIÈCY NASH (turning back to wave) Now don’t be afraid to call us if the fabulousness starts getting out of hand again, alright?

FULGRIM (chuckling softly) I shall consider it... should such a thing ever occur.

The camera pulls back, showing the magnificent palace glimmering in the distance as the Clean House crew drives away.

END.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Temptation Island: Phyrexian Paradise

-
Temptation Island: Phyrexian Paradise Episode 1: Welcome to Paradise The season kicks off like any other—four couples at a crossroads in their relationships arrive on a tropical island, eager to test their love against the allure of twenty-four sexy, single temptations. Host Mark L. Walberg welcomes everyone with a knowing smile, promising an experience that will challenge their hearts. But as night falls, something feels... off. The air is too thick, the ocean hums with an unnatural tone, and the singles are too perfect—bronzed skin that doesn’t quite have pores, smiles that linger just a second too long, and a way of speaking that feels rehearsed, mechanical. Episode 2: The First Dates... and the First Changes The couples separate into their respective villas, and the singles begin their work. The flirtation is immediate and intense—hands linger too long, eyes glimmer with something inhuman. First dates commence: Chase, a finance bro, finds himself on a date with Elysia, a s...
Read more

Ivory Requiem: The Elephants Who Remembered

-
Title: Ivory Requiem: The Elephants Who Remembered They came at dawn. The Akagera herd had been migrating through the tall grass of the savanna, the matriarch’s rumble guiding the young, the old, the weary. The sunrise warmed their backs as they plodded forward in silence, the way elephants move when the world is good and water is near. Then the thunder of diesel engines shattered that peace. Poachers in camouflaged trucks, faces wrapped in scarves, brandishing rifles and tranquilizer darts. The matriarch, Wemba, bellowed a warning—but too late. Darts struck her flank. Tranquilizer took her down slow, too slow to save the calves. Chainsaws buzzed before her vision faded. When the slaughter ended, five lay dead. Tusks hacked from still-warm skulls. Blood soaked into dry earth. The survivors, led by Wemba’s daughter Moyo, circled the bodies, touching them with their trunks, keening their loss into the wind. But elephants remember. And this time, they chose not to forget. The Tu...
Read more

JAMES BOND: IMPERIUM NEVER DIES

-
JAMES BOND: IMPERIUM NEVER DIES A Warhammer 40,000/James Bond Crossover Screenplay Opening Scene: The Pleasure World of Corinth Prime A luxurious casino, all marble columns and golden chandeliers, filled with aristocrats, rogue traders, and Imperial nobles. A high-stakes card game is underway. JAMES BOND (leaning back in his chair, sipping amasec) "I’m afraid the Emperor protects, but he doesn’t deal second chances." Across from him, a hulking, power-armored figure smirks—an agent of the Inquisition, Inquisitor Lucius Drake. INQUISITOR DRAKE "Brave words for a man betting more than his life." Bond places a winning hand down. A noblewoman at his side—LADY SELENE VAHL, a striking rogue trader—smirks and leans in close. LADY SELENE (whispering) "You’re either very good or very foolish, Mister Bond." Bond smiles. Before he can answer, a warning siren blares—an attack is underway. Explosions rock the city. The towering form of a Chaos Space Marine...
Read more