Boeing Annexes Europe

FADE IN:

INT. BOEING CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - WAR ROOM - DAY

A sleek, glass-walled conference room in Boeing HQ. A massive digital map of Europe flickers on the wall. Several EXECUTIVES in expensive suits, looking nervous, sit around a polished table. At the head sits RANDALL WEXLER, Boeing’s overly ambitious CEO, sipping a latte through a golden straw.

                      WEXLER
      Alright, let’s get to it. Europe’s stopped
      buying our weapons.

A murmur of shock and horror. Someone drops a Montblanc pen.

                      EXECUTIVE #1
      But they LOVE our weapons! They said so in
      those reports we paid for.

                      EXECUTIVE #2
      Yeah, but they think America’s too unstable.
      Something about how “our elections could be
      hijacked by raccoons in human suits.”

                      WEXLER
      Raccoons or not, we can’t have this. We lose
      Europe, and suddenly we’re just “the company
      that builds the planes that kind of work.”

The room nods solemnly.

                      WEXLER
      There’s only one move left.

                      EXECUTIVE #3
      Buy a Super Bowl ad?

                      WEXLER
      Annex Europe.

Silence. Someone coughs.

                      EXECUTIVE #1
      Um, like… metaphorically, right?

                      WEXLER
      No. I mean literally. We take over. Establish
      hegemony. We seize power like a corporate
      Caesar.

                      EXECUTIVE #2
      Can we even do that?

                      WEXLER
      Do you know how much of NATO is made of
      Boeing-manufactured aircraft? We just
      activate the autopilot override and BAM!
      Instant air superiority.

The executives glance at each other. They kind of love it.

                      WEXLER
      Alright, let’s roll this out. Who’s got
      contacts in Brussels?

                      EXECUTIVE #3
      Well, there’s a lobbyist we bribed last year
      to stop them from investigating our exploding
      cockpit windows…

                      WEXLER
      Perfect. We’ll start with Belgium. No one
      even knows what they do. Then we move on to
      France. If anyone resists, we’ll just tell
      them we’re building a new Airbus competitor.

                      EXECUTIVE #1
      Oh, that’ll break them instantly.

                      WEXLER
      Exactly. Now let’s—

Suddenly, an INTERN bursts in, breathless, holding a tablet.

                      INTERN
      Sir! Europe’s just announced they’re
      switching to an entirely domestic arms
      industry!

                      WEXLER
      (spitting out his latte)
      Sacrebleu!

                      INTERN
      They’re calling it the “Sovereign Defense
      Initiative.” They say they’ll never buy
      American again.

                      EXECUTIVE #2
      But… but we just annexed Belgium!

                      INTERN
      Oh yeah, about that—France is refusing to
      acknowledge it. The UK says they support us,
      but only in the way that they “support their
      mate’s terrible band.” And Germany is just
      laughing.

                      WEXLER
      We need to escalate. Do we still have access
      to the Pentagon’s LinkedIn?

                      EXECUTIVE #3
      I think so.

                      WEXLER
      Good. Tell them we’re at DEFCON… um… what’s
      the one before nuclear war?

                      EXECUTIVE #1
      Uh, DEFCON 2?

                      WEXLER
      Then tell them we’re at DEFCON 1.5.

                      INTERN
      That’s not a real—

                      WEXLER
      It is now!

Suddenly, the lights flicker. The large screen blinks, revealing a VIDEO CALL from an UNIDENTIFIED EUROPEAN OFFICIAL. He’s in an office filled with models of fighter jets that look suspiciously NOT American.

                      EUROPEAN OFFICIAL
      Mr. Wexler. We see what you are doing.
      Annexing Belgium? Truly a bold strategy.

                      WEXLER
      Thank you.

                      EUROPEAN OFFICIAL
      That was sarcasm, you idiot.

                      EXECUTIVE #3
      Oof.

                      EUROPEAN OFFICIAL
      We have our own defense industry now. We do
      not need you.

                      WEXLER
      Okay, okay, let’s talk this out. What if we
      offer you… a Boeing coupon? 10% off your next
      fighter jet order?

                      EUROPEAN OFFICIAL
      Hard pass.

                      WEXLER
      Fine. Fifteen percent and a free round-trip
      on Southwest.

                      EUROPEAN OFFICIAL
      No.

                      WEXLER
      Alright, that’s it. We’re pivoting to Space
      Wars. Someone get Elon on the line.

The executives scramble. The European Official sighs, rubs his temples, and logs off.

FADE TO BLACK.